Head of School
Pumping the Heart Muscle
The following address was given by Head of School Trudy Hall at the Opening Convocation ceremony on September 3, 2008.
You may also download a pdf of this speech.
he heart is the muscular organ in all vertebrates responsible for pumping blood through the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions. The average human heart, beating at seventy-two beats per minute, will beat approximately 2.5 billion times during a lifetime spanning sixty-six years. But this is not a biology lecture. Dr. Devi Shetty, the heart specialist who treated Mother Theresa, suggests a diet low in carbohydrates and high in protein, a 30-minute walk at least five times a week, no smoking, weight control, and the monitoring of blood pressure to ensure a healthy heart. But this is not a message about wellness. If you encounter a person in cardiac arrest, cardiopulmonary resuscitation should be started immediately, even as you call 911. The use of a defibrillator is preferred, and many public facilities have portable defibrillators for just such an emergency. But this is not a moment for first aid training. Hearts is one of the four suits found in playing cards. The others are clubs, diamonds and spades. The symbol was first used on French playing cards in the 15th century. But this is definitely not a card game.
But this is about a social activity of another sort. Well, sort of. I am thinking about the heart as a symbol for true emotion; the heart as the “muscle” that inspires acts of generosity and kindness, the “muscle” that is strengthened by compassionate acts. The poet Maya Angelou refers to this kind of heart pumping as increasing the “intangible but very real psychic force of good in the world.” Specifically, I want to share some rules about pumping the heart that I believe may be as fundamental to living in community as those other fundamental rules already listed in Fine Print.
The good news is that there is ample evidence that the members of the Emma Willard community have empathy for others; that we are compassionate. The faculty, staff and I could provide you with examples of selfless acts of kindness within our ranks that would bring tears to your eyes, would give you goose bumps, and make you proud to be among us. But I also think it is easy to note the presence of a Community Service Program, and tell a few good stories about generous souls without really analyzing the virtue of compassion.
Presbyterian minister and author, Frederick Buechner, describes compassion as the “capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.” William Bennett, the former Secretary of Education, says: “compassion is a virtue that takes seriously the reality of other persons, their inner lives, their emotions.” He says it is “an active disposition.”
And this is where I want to focus attention: on making the distinction between sympathy and compassion. Sympathy is the ability to feel someone's pain, while compassion goes deeper, further. It is the vigorous desire to want to do something to alleviate another's distress. Compassion takes feelings and molds actions from them. Too many people believe that sympathy and compassion are synonymous. They are satisfied that it is enough to merely feel sorry for someone less fortunate. In fact, it is typically when the suggestion is made to move from sympathy to compassion that the squirming begins, the rationalizations start to flow, the excuses abound. Relatively speaking, it is easy to be sympathetic; it is challenging to be compassionate. Sympathy requires a few words or thoughts. Compassion requires deeds. Being compassionate demands engagement and commitment, energy and risk taking. It is an investment of a piece of yourself or a piece of your heart muscle. Dare I say, being compassionate sounds like it might be strenuous?
No wonder that compassion is considered to be among the greatest virtues in every major world religion. Confucius called compassion one of the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. Wisdom and courage are the other two. The Dalai Lama insists that “love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.” He believes that without love and compassion humanity cannot survive. Now it is beginning to sound like being compassionate might be essential.
Former New York Times columnist Sydney Schamberg once noted, “If you lose sight of the other side of your moon—the side where people aren't doing so well or where people are sick or where they're stooped and old or where they're just temporarily down on their luck—if you lose sight of them, then you will lose the joy of your success. For to shut out these others, the ones who need a hand, is to make yourself cold, and THAT is the prescription for loneliness, the worst affliction of all.” I do not believe we ever intentionally shut out people who need our compassion. We are all well meaning. It is far more complicated than that.
Sometimes we do not take the action we are contemplating because we think it will be insufficient. We often underestimate the power of a touch, a phone call, a handwritten note, or a sincere compliment to take a bad day and turn it into a good one. How many times have you been surprised when months or years later someone tells you about something that you did that made their day or changed their way of thinking, yet you canmot even remember it? It is often the simplest of tasks that pump the heart muscle. Trust that whatever you do, if it comes from a place of sincerity—if it comes from the heart—it will be sufficient.
Sometimes it is easier to be compassionate at a distance: the trip to rebuild homes in New Orleans, or the medical mission to Honduras, or the impoverished school in Africa. I call this “exotic” compassion. We dive into an entirely different world, have all of our senses assaulted in the best and worst ways, and then come home feeling good about our effort, but happy to be back with our iPod, iPhone and flush toilets. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with “exotic” compassion; it pumps the heart muscle vigorously. I am simply suggesting that it is more difficult to be compassionate with the folks you live with, day in and day out, or might see on the street corner when you do not really feel like or have not planned on being compassionate. It is riskier to be compassionate when it is up close and personal.
Sometimes we are not compassionate because we are busy. We have a long to-do list. We are rushed. We do not have time. It is easier to plan to be compassionate over vacation or on the weekend. We schedule compassion for our community service block, checking it off our list as one less thing to worry about this week.
Sometimes we are scared to be compassionate. Someone might misinterpret our actions. Someone might expect more from us than we can deliver. In such moments, remember a thought from the artist and children‟s author, Barbara Garrison: “Fear grows out of the things we think; it lives in our minds. Compassion grows out of the things we are, and lives in our hearts.” Trust that actions that come from the heart will be well received. “Just do it,” as the famous Nike ad slogan goes.
Many of us feel more comfortable being challenged intellectually than being challenged emotionally, and I am sensitive to that. In fact, I bet it surprises those of you who are here to be intellectually challenged that we are talking about a symbolic heart muscle. However, be assured that during your time at Emma, you will be challenged to be your best self in all ways— intellectually, morally, emotionally, and physically. What better time to think about the hard challenges of being your best self than at the edge of a new year, a fresh start for all of us, as we welcome a different cast of characters and face a different set of challenges.
Here is an idea for you to consider with me: let us engage with each other to foster a truly compassionate community. How would it/could it be different if all of us were enthusiastically compassionate every day of the week, in more settings than not? Could we pump the heart muscle more effectively, more frequently, if we were all practicing it together? This will be harder than you think for all the reasons I have just named and more that you can add to that list, but nothing is stopping us from giving this idea serious consideration for just a bit longer. As I was imagining what this might look like, I went so far as to invent rules. For as we know, at a school, if you are serious about something, just make a rule about it. What if Fine Print included the following rules along with the list of Fundamental Rules?
Rule Number One: Let's take our first rule from the author of Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie: “Always try to be a little kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” Let's do this in simple ways at first, just to get some practice. Hold the door for a person with an armload of packages. Make room at the dining room table for just one more. Walk the lost newcomer to the office she is seeking instead of merely pointing the way and tossing directions over your shoulder. There is a Japanese proverb that goes something like this: one kind word can warm three winter months. On Mount Ida, we have three harsh, grueling
winter months. Let's warm them up with an alternative to fossil fuel.
Rule Number Two: Our second rule comes the nineteenth century English novelist Charles Kingsley: “Never, if possible, lie down at night without being able to say: "I have made one human being at least a little wiser, or a little happier, or at least a little better this day." If every one of us in this room committed to one genuinely compassionate act each day, every day—just one, only one—the glow of that energy would be felt well beyond Troy. Who knows, it might be contagious. Imagine the CNN breaking news: Emma Willard School Starts Compassion Epidemic. School Council Declares “Actions Speak Louder Than Words. Story in Clock.”
Rule Number Three: This one is from Reverend Jesse Jackson: “Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them up.” It is easy to criticize or judge others if you choose not to attempt to understand their situation. What would happen if we pumped the heart muscle with a little empathy before passing on gossip without questioning, or joining our friends in laughing at someone who looks or sounds different than we do?
Rule Number Four: (In case you are counting and looking forward to the end of this speech, there will be five rules.) This one is a simple directive: “find a need and fill it.” Ruth Stafford Peale, the widow of Reverend Norman Vincent Peale and the driving force behind the Guidepost magazine claimed this as her life philosophy. She passed away recently at the full and rich age of 101, so it obviously worked for her. Be mindful and aware as you go about your life. What needs doing? What role can you play to relieve someone's distress? Make a habit of asking “what can I give of myself to this difficult moment?”
And Rule Number Five: I bet this one is familiar to all of you and needs no explanation. The embodiment of compassion, The Golden Rule, appears in some form in every major world religion: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Note the emphasis on the action verb.
Anyone who writes rules knows that there has to be a rationale to support them. Why would we want to follow these rules? What is in it for us? For you? For me?
Being compassionate will make you happy. Acts of compassion are like boomerangs, all the good you send into the world comes back into your own in remarkably and marvelously rewarding ways. Don't believe me? Just try it. Being compassionate teaches you about the capacity of your heart. You will discover that the heart muscle is enormous, capable of magnificent miracles. But these miracles are only possible if the heart muscle is pumped energetically. Don't believe me? Ever heard about Ebenezer Scrooge? Being compassionate will guarantee true success in life. George Washington Carver, a scientist, inventor and humanitarian, once said that “how far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life, you will have been all of these.” And finally, being compassionate will make this world a better place for all of us, and deep inside that heart muscle of yours, you already know this truth.
Dr. Seuss, who taught us about green eggs and ham, has a rhyme for nearly everything, including the need to be compassionate: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.” So, let's care. Let's teach each other how to pump the heart muscle, and in doing so release a real psychic force for the good into the world. Let's be actively compassionate, finding needs and filling them, in this community and beyond. Let's do more than be good this year, let's be useful and DO good this year.
And with these words I declare that the 195th school year is officially launched.
